Joey’s Top Ten Movies


Hey guys.  I saw that Chuck posted his top ten favorite movies and I thought it would be fun if I made my own top ten list.  How wrong I was.  I have seen hundreds if not thousands of movies in my lifetime, how can I just limit myself to just ten?  What metrics should I use?  I thought about my list long and hard, then said screw it and picked ten movies out of my ass that I really like.  Some of these movies are classics, some you would be slapped upside the head if you called them classics, but there is one thing I can guarantee; there are no Michael Bay movies on this list.  In the end that is all that matters.

10.  Jaws

I first saw this movie as a child and it scared the piss out of me.  I was terrified of this movie.  I was scared to go to the beach, even the pool was an area of great anxiety for me.  I am not going to lie to you.  I was afraid to use the toilet.  I thought jaws could swim through the water and bite me on the ass, and nobody, I mean nobody bites my ass.  Now that I am older I can appreciate a suspenseful movie without having a panic attack.  This movie will have you on the edge of your seat the entire time.  I love how little they show the shark, which adds to the suspense and makes it seem more threatening.  The shark reminds me of Dracula from the original novel.  Dracula appeared only briefly in his own book, but that made him seem more menacing and threatening, kind of like the shark.  I hear they just did this because the shark puppet didn’t work right, but that worked greatly in their favor.  There are so many classic scenes, I love quoting and making references to this movie.

 

 

9.  Predator

This movie is everything that was right with 80’s action movies.  Big tough guys being tough around other tough guys while fighting an alien…who is also quite tough. This is one of the movies that I can watch over and I have.  This was from the day where the action heroes looked and acted like action heroes unlike today’s action heroes who are 150 pound weaklings obsessed over plain looking girls without personalities (they should be one or the other, not both).  Predator is a great villain.  We know little to nothing about him.  He is an alien who is on Earth for a hunting trip.  That is all.  He can not be reasoned with.  He is going to kill these people just because he can.   The odds are highly stacked in his favor, which makes the climax very satisfying when Arnold fights him and wins.

 

 

 

  1. Hot Fuzz

To call this movie a parody of cop movies would be a great injustice.  Hot Fuzz shows the inherent absurdity of cop movies while also bringing out everything that makes them awesome.  They lovingly dissected the genre and then pieced it back together into a package that is equal parts comedy and action.  Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are comedic geniuses, but can also do serious and action scenes just as well.  I saw this movie in theaters and made it my duty to tell all my friends, family, hell even my enemies to see this movie.

 

 

 

  1. The Big Lebowski

I fell in love with this movie the first time I say it, and I don’t really know why.  This is a very odd movie with odd characters and odd situations, and I love every minute of it.  The Dude is a likeable loser, Walt is hilariously over the top, and Donnie…Well I just feel bad for Donnie.  I think What I like about the movie is that even though the situations are so bizarre the characters act like these events are normal.  This movie isn’t for everyone, but if you like odd comedies give this one a shot.

 

 

  1. Star Wars

    This picture both confuses and arouses me.

There are three types of people in the world; those who like Star Wars, those who like Star Trek, and those who have been laid.  Unfortunately I am in the Star Wars camp.  What can I say about this movie that hasn’t already been said before?  No seriously.  What can I say?  I can wait.  Yeah I know, it’s already been said, but that is fine.  I know I am cheating by just listing Star Wars but I view them as part of a whole, and do not want to separate them.  Just to be clear I am talking about the original trilogy not the new one, which I refuse to acknowledge its existence.  Perhaps I am too hard on the new trilogy, the pod racing scene was quite cool.

 

 

5.  Back to the Future

Unlike the previous entry, I can pick a favorite from this trilogy, and that is the first movie.  I still like the other two movies, however the first Back to the Future is the obvious superior movie.  I have always been very interested in the concept of time travel and how a smilingly insignificant act in the past can change the future greatly.  Marty accidently destroys his time line and has to save himself from being wiped out of existence.  I think that is cool.  I also love the relationship between Doc and Marty.  They are both wonderful characters who play greatly off of each other.

 

 

 

  1. Ghostbusters

Let’s be honest here.  Every time someone says “who you gonna call?” you yell Ghostbusters!  That is the proper response.  Any other answer should get you deported to another country without Ghostbusters…or joy.  Ghostbusters also contains my favorite line from any movie.  “Yes it’s true.  This man has no dick.”  I am not going to provide context for this line.  You either already know what this line was in response to or you need to leave this site until you’ve seen this movie.

 

 

 

  1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Hands down this is the funniest movie I have ever seen.  It is comedic perfection.  There is not a single bad joke in this movie.  Whenever I watch the Holy Grail I always laugh the whole way through.  There is not a dip in quality anywhere throughout the movie.  It is pure balls to the wall anything goes comedy.  I almost died the first time I watched this movie.  Seriously.  I was laughing at the scene where they fight the rabbit so hard I could not breathe.  I was freaking out because I was suffocating, but I still couldn’t stop laughing.  Eventually I pulled through.  I guess you figured that out unless you thought I was typing this from beyond the grave.  WOOO, spooky.

 

 

 

  1. Robocop

You may dismiss this movie as a mindless action movie but you would be wrong.  Robocop was a police officer who was killed in the line of duty had his memories erased (mostly) and rebuilt as a cyborg.  Robocop struggles with his lingering memories and his doubt that he is still the man he used to be.  It is very satisfying at the very end when the OCP CEO asks him his name and he replies “Murphy”.  It is also very interesting that the director intended for Robocop to be an allegory for Jesus.  Much like Jesus, Murphy is killed and comes back to life to save us and fight evil.  Just don’t try to show this to your Sunday school classes.  I am still not allowed back at that church.

 

 

 

  1. The 1987 animated Transformers movie

I will admit that this is not a good movie.  This is a terrible movie made for the sole purpose to sell toys but I love the fuck out of it.  This is my favorite movie based on pure emotion.  I saw this movie as a child and everything seemed so epic.  Now when I watch it as an adult I tap into the same excitement I had as a child.  The movie begins with the Decepticons hijacking an Autobot space ship headed to Earth.  The Decepticons slaughter the Autobot crew.  These were not nameless redshirts.  These were beloved characters that I had formed emotional attachments with over the two previous seasons of the TV show.  The Decepticons use the Autobots ship to launch a surprise attack on Autobot city on Earth.  The Autobots cursory evaluation of Decepticon capability put them at a distinct tactical disadvantage.  The Autobots struggle to stay alive while waiting for backup from their home planet on Cybertron.  All seems very bleak for the Autobots when who should appear; Optimus Fucking Prime.  Optimus Proclaims that Megatron must be stopped no matter the cost, transforms and easily mows down a row of Decepticons.  Finally Optimus confronts Megatron.  Every episode of the series has been building up to this moment.  I remember thinking that Optimus Prime would defeat Megatron and everything would be ok.  That was not the case.

Megatron kills Optimus Prime.  This devastated me as a child.  Optimus Prime was my hero.  I loved him, now he was gone.  I couldn’t make it through the movie the first time I saw it.  I was too busy crying hysterically to finish it.  Truth be told I still get a lump in my throat every time I watch the death scene.  As big of a moment as that was it was only the first third of the movie.  Later Megatron gets rebuild as Galvatron (Voiced by Lenard Nemoy) and the Autobots run afoul of Unicron a planet who eats other planets who happens to be a giant transformer (Voiced by Orson Wells).  It may not be the best movie but it brings me back to my childhood and because of that, it is my favorite movie.

Well that is my list.  There are a lot of movies that I love but did not fell like they were top ten worthy.  I still love you Indy.  Damn there are a lot of movies from the 80’s up there.  I swear I watch movies from other decades too.  It just seems that most of my favorites are from that period.  Feel free to disagree with my choices.  I don’t expect anyone to have the same taste in movies as me.  In fact it would unsettle me if anyone agrees with me.  Well I am out for now.  Take it easy internets.

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