Hello. It is good to see you all again. I can not actually see you, so I am imaging what you look like while I type. I am imaging you all as very sexy ladies. Do not correct me if I am wrong. Anyways it has been a while since I have done a “What I am playing” segment. Things have been ball busting busy at work, and I have been fighting various illnesses of the flu variety, and when I have free time I would rather play video games than write about them. I have a large backlog of games thanks to Christmas and post Christmas sales. Some times I look at all the games that I have recently acquired and become overwhelmed. Some times I worry that I may have a problem, then I think ‘I can stop any time I want, I just don’t want to’ and I feel better. Well let’s get this cluster fuck of poorly constructed thoughts started shall we.
I know what you are thinking. ‘Joey you crazy bastard, you talked about this game last time.’ Well I really liked it and wanted to talk about it some more. I am going to put this out there; I heart Zelda. I would even go as far as to say I less than three it. When I tell people of my gaming habits I let them know how often I play games goes in cycles. There are times when I develop an almost OCD like obsession with a game and spend hours a day fixated on it, combing through every byte of data as if it was my job. Then there will be times when my gaming is put on the backburner and at most I may play an hour a week. My time with Zelda occurred in the former of my aforementioned cycles. I could not tear myself away from this game. My shortest session with Zelda was three hours. I would be hard pressed to convince someone I am not a videogame addict while playing this game. I would play for hours and not actually do anything. Sometimes I would just dick around and explore the world at my leisure. Those were some of my favorite sessions. This hands down is the best Wii game I have ever played. This game also gets my vote of game of the year for 2011. The fact it did not make more websites and publication’s game of the year is a tragedy worthy of Oedipus. On second thought that might be a bit of an exaggeration. Still if you own a Wii you need to play this game. It gets the Joey Seal of Approval.
Mind jack (PS3)
Mind jack was released early last year, and was universally panned by both critics and fans. It received very low reviews and appeared on many peoples list for worst game of 2011. Does it deserve all this negativity and scorn? Yes. Yes it does.
Mind jack is a third person shooter from Square-Enix. The thing that separates Mind jack from other third person shooters is that you have the ability to jump from body to body, possessing enemy soldiers, bystanders, robots, and the occasional robot monkey. You can also enslave the minds of enemies and have them fight along side you. Sound cool huh. WRONG! This game was made by a Japanese developer, don’t get me wrong, I love Japanese developers. Some of my favorite games are Japanese, however shooters are a very western genre. I don’t blame them for trying to make a shooter. If you look at the most popular games of the past few years, shooters make up a fair share of those titles. Of course Square wants to get a piece of that sweet shooting pie. Instead of being a Japanese interpretation of a western genre, Mind jack becomes an unintended parody instead. The game play, when not bugged to the point of being unplayable, seems to be stuck in the previous generation of gaming. I could forgive this game if it was a budget title from 2001, but this was a 2011 release that they had the balls to ask sixty dollars for. The graphics are subpar and are put to shame by PS3 and 360 launch titles. The story is a convoluted mess. In a previous segment I slammed The 3rd Birthday for having a stupid story and I would like to apologize. Compared to Mind jack The 3rd Birthday is William frickin Shakespeare. The only positive thing I can say about Mind jack is that it is short. You will hate it but you can only hate it for a few hours then it is over. Perhaps best of all, you have the option not to play this game. That is an option that I highly recommend.
I knew going into this game that it had some problems. I ignored the criticisms because I liked the concept. I told myself that the negative reviews steamed from the fact that it was a poor full priced game, but once discounted the game would seem better by comparison. I have played thirty dollar games I would have gladly spent sixty on, and sixty dollar games I would have enjoyed better if I had only played thirty. So I found Mind jack on sale for eight dollars. I thought even with the poor reviews I should enjoy an eight dollar game. I was wrong. Mind jack is not worth the eight dollars I spent on it. I would recommend buying this game and sending it to death row inmates. They are the only ones who should be subjected to this dismay of digital debauchery. Them and people who make Rob Schneider movies.
Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions (PS3)
Mind jack put me in a bad mood, so I needed something to boost my mood, enter Spider-Man. I love Spider-Man. Spider-Man may be my favorite thing ever. If I had to choose between Spider-Man and sliced bread I would gladly choose Spider-Man. Good thing I live in a world where I can have both. I can not imagine eating sandwiches with anything else. Now where was I, oh yes, I love bread…I mean Spider-Bread…I mean Spider-Man. Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions got fairly good reviews, but I probably would have bought it even if it got terrible reviews just because it has Spider-Man in it.
Shattered Dimensions gives you not one, not two, not five, but four Spider-Men. The classic Amazing Spider-Man, a younger Ultimate Spider-Man, the futuristic Spider-Man 2099, and perhaps everyone’s favorite Spider-Man…Noir? Each Spider-Man plays differently. Spider-Man 2099 is more combat oriented, Noir is more geared towards stealth, and Amazing is just kind of awesome. The game is broken into three acts with each Spider-Man getting a chapter in each act. Changing Spider-Men every chapter keeps the game play from becoming repetitive, which is a major concern in a game of this nature. There is a leveling system, only instead of fighting to gain levels you must perform certain tasks. These tasks range from actions you were going to do anyways like defeating the vulture to taking out X amount of enemies with attack Y. Performing these tasks open up new abilities, costumes, and stat boosters. I was not crazy about this system at first because you will switch back and forth between the game and the menu screen to look at tasks and to see completion rates, but it eventually grew on me and I enjoyed unlocking these tasks.
The story is ok. Standard Super-hero stuff. A mystical stone table is shattered and the Spider-folk have to retrieve it before the enemies find it for their own evil purposes. I was very pleased with how each Spider-Man was handled. They stayed true to their comic book counterparts, you could tell the creators had a strong grasp on these characters. The voice acting in this game is top notch especially the Amazing Spider-Man, who is voiced by Neil Patrick Harris (who I find to be delightful). This game is no Batman Arkham fill in location, but as far as superhero games go this is very fun. A must have for all Spider-Man fans.
Dead Space 2 (X-Box 360)
What? There is another game here? Man, my fingers are starting to hurt. I just want to go outside and play. Ok let’s talk about another game I recently played. I have always been a fan of the survival horror genre. Resident Evil, and Silent Hill are two of my favorite franchises. That being said, some how I missed out on the first Dead Space. I was urged by a friend to check out Dead Space 2. I keep giving my stock response, oh yeah, I’ll check it out some time, but I know I am not going to check it out. Eventually I found a copy at my local Best Buy for ten dollars, and decided ten dollars was enough to spend to get my friend to shut up. Unlike with Mind jack where I bought a dirt cheap game and realized why it was dirt cheap, Dead Space 2 worth every cent of my ten dollars, plus some.
You play as Isaac Clark, who is still struggling from the events of the first game. The short version: he was trying to save his dead girlfriend from monsters. He is on the Titan space colony when the monster from the first game, known as the Necromorphs attack and start killing everyone. Isaac, having dealt with the Necromorphs before, just wants to get the fudge out of there, but that is easier said than done. The game play is similar to the newer Resident Evil games in the fact that it is a third person over the shoulder shooter. One interesting thing about Dead Space is while most games a head shot is the best way to take out an enemy, the Necromorphs can only be killed by being disemboweled. Yep blowing off their heads won’t work, you’ve got to blast off some limbs. After an enemy is down, you can stomp on their carcass for rewards like ammo and health. This is a very gory and disturbing game, and I love it. The story is genuinely scary; I was freaked out on more than one occasion. Even though I got on the Dead Space wagon late, I look forward to the next game in the series. Just stay away from the Dead Space animated movie, it sucked ass.
Saints Row 2 (PS3)
That wraps everything up. What the hell does that say above this line? There is another game. Fuck. My eyes are bleeding. I don’t even like videogames any more. I am going to switch hobbies. Perhaps I could try playing some of those sports I read about in the paper.
Saint’s Row the Third came out a few months ago. After reading the reviews it sounded like something I would really enjoy. So I went to the store and looked at it with its sixty dollar price tag. Now I consider my self a frugal consumer, meaning I am a cheap bastard. I decided to wait for a price drop, however I did see the previous game in the series and bought that instead. I have heard Saint’s Row described as a bat shit crazy version of Grand Theft Auto. Playing the second game it is funnier than GTA but it is not as crazy as I was hoping for. I guess the third is when they threw everything to the wall. That being said it is still an entertaining game. I can only play GTA for a few hours before I get board with it and want to move on, but I was able to play Saint’s Row to the end.
Is it over? Am I done? I don’t see anymore bolded titles. I must be done. I am going to take a break from video games for a while. It’s not healthy to sit around and play games all day. I think I will get some exercise, maybe try and pick some girls up and
Shadows of the Damned (PS3)
Joey will return in “What I am Playing the Christmas invasion”